So, as you know, it has been a rather sad and emotional time in my world. I have come to be known as the “crazy lady in mourning”. That’s Ed’s nickname for me now. He says it lovingly of course, but I know that he is unnerved by the amount of tears I have shed. I’m generally a happy and upbeat person, so I don’t think he knows what to do with the new & improved ME. I break out into buckets of tears over Nick. I think warning signs may have been posted around the county foretelling my arrival.
(Example: I scared the shit out of the cashier at Henry’s Market a few days ago. The Newman’s Own Peanut Butter dog treats were on sale for 2 for $4. (That’s a GREAT deal.) Instead of punching in my PIN number I stood there quietly weeping and staring at the orange bag of treats. Nick loved them. *Sigh*)
Well, ready or not, it may be time to re-focus attention in our home. Ed is so lonely without a dog. He misses having a dog to watch ball games with. Sometimes I resent him for being able to want a dog so quickly after Nick, but I have to remind myself that we’re all different. I witness how torn up Ed is over Nick and it makes me feel guilty to feel resentment towards him sometimes.
We had Milo for one day this past Saturday. We were “dog-sitting” for the Golden Retriever Rescue. It was my idea to volunteer, but when Milo came over I wasn’t exactly the warmest hostess to the poor dog, being that it had only been four days since my baby Nick passed away. I found it hard not to think of Nick’s little triangle face every time I looked at Milo. Milo is strong and young and healthy. He is BiiiiiiG BOY with a bouncy booty to match. I wanted him to be Nick and I think Milo sensed that. He tried to cuddle up to me and what did I do? What else?!? I cried!!! (Warning: Crazy Lady in Mourning) I scared the hell out of the poor dog.
Milo was great with Captain Morgan. Ed fell in love with Milo. They bonded and Ed seemed so very soothed with Milo simply being there. It was sweet to see actually. Well, we’ve had some DEEEEEP discussions this past week and Ed would really like to adopt Milo, but I’m not ready. We did compromise and decided to wait until mid-August to pick up Milo. I figured that may be enough time for me to have the warning signs taken down, right?
Fast forward to today. A couple from Monrovia is interested in adopting Milo now. Ed is freaked out about losing him to the Monrovia people. He’s convinced they’ve got some “evil plan” in the works for Milo. (Huh?!?) He wants to adopt Milo even sooner now. He feels we are Milo's saviors. It has been that kind of a day. We’ve got a trip to the east coast planned for next week, and then we may actually adopt Milo when we return…which is way sooner than I think I’m going to be ready.
You know, it is not just the fact that I am not ready. The house isn’t ready either! Ladies and gentlemen, a dog with cuatneous lymphoma all over his body is not exactly the cleanest dog to have roaming your house! We’ve got the deep carpet cleaner guys coming over tomorrow, I need to will myself to actually get all of Nick’s sheets/towels bleached and cleaned…the list is outrageous. I feel so rushed sometimes that I feel out of breath!
To add to the emotional heap, there are two other dogs at the rescue that have been pulling at my heartstrings, Achilles and Jambalaya. Achilles reminds me of Nick with his curly little lamb’s butt. He actually stands just the way Nick did with his paws kind of pigeon-toed and facing each other. He makes me smile. He’s also a senior puppy so I know that he’s going to be extremely difficult to adopt out. Jambalaya has had a really rough life at the hands of her previous owners and she’s actually spent the last few weeks recovering at a vet clinic. Check all three of them out here:
http://www.grcglarescue.org/RP_Adoptable.asp?cid=All
So what does this mean? I don’t know exactly, but what IF we freakin’ end up with THREE DOGS?!?!
My dad always says that people in grief never think logically. Is that me? Am I going to adopt a herd of dogs in my attempt to deal with losing my sweet Nick?
Jeezaloo!!!
3 comments:
I hope you'll know what the right thing to do is. You and Ed should just go out and have a bottle of wine and list the pros and cons of each pup, 2 pups and even 3 pups! And have a little celebration dinner in honor of Nick.
You are sooo justified to cry at any moment, hearing songs on the radio, standing in the aisles at the grocery stores, watching a petco commercial, ANYTHING! It just shows how much LOVE you have for these guys and that is why Ed probably is ready to adopt soon, because he wants to share his love. And it doesn't mean you are not being loyal to sweet Mr. Triangle face or lessening the importance of him in your life by getting another dog. If anything Nick gave you a gift by showing you how capable you are of loving these animals so by getting another dog, it's sort of giving back to him in a way.
Oh wait, Wrigley is pulling at the keyboard, he has a message for you, ok?
HI Nick's mommy. My mommy told me about your sweet lamb butt and I know he's happy and running around dancing too and wants you to be happy too. He knows that you have lots of love to share and that you'll always have a special place in your heart tucked away, just for him. If you're really not sure whether you should get a dog just yet, I have another idea. Do you want my brother Chumley???
As you can tell, I am a morning person, the earlier the better!
Are you a therapist? I'm always struck by how we're never aware of what we're thinking until someone else articulates our very own thoughts for us. I read your comment and then Ed read it. And then we talked. And Milo is now officially ours. We're completing the adoption papers today. I'm still asking for a little bit more time, but the foster mom will hang on to Milo for a couple of weeks for us. Thanks, Smileygirl. :-)
Wrigley, thanks for makin' me feel better. You made me laugh and it felt so good. Your mommy is very special and really knows how to make humans feel better. It helps that she also tells funny stories about your brother, Chumley!!! He sure keeps things interesting for ya, no? Maybe one day you can come over for a play date and meet Milo and snack on Lefty's Pizza!
Oh, Wrigley, there is a Dogtoberfest coming up this year. Maybe your mommy will be your date!
I'm soooo happy for you guys! I'm tearing up AGAIN! I do that everytime I read your one of your posts. I can no longer read them out in public like I did at Panera bread because tears were pouring out then I'd laugh out loud, then more tears, then a laugh.
Good luck with getting the house ready for Milo's arrival. I know that part may be sad but it will be ok. You and Ed are very special people. How long have you been married? Have you shared the news with Cap'n Morgan yet? I'm sure he will be thrilled too.
Wrigley and I would love to come visit for a play date and he's already penciled in Dogtoberfest into his day planner. Isn't it interesting that your Nick brought 2 complete strangers together on the internet? Just another gift from him.
I'm really excited for you guys. You'll have to share stories about Nick to Milo so he knows what a special guy he was. You seem excited about this too! That's so good to see.
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