I got a call from Circle of Life Pet Crematorium today and they said that Nick's ashes had been returned to his doctor's office, which is where they picked up his little body last week. I didn't want them to ship his ashes to my house. Something about shipping him UPS made me ill. Kelly at Circle of Life (www.circleoflifepet.com) is a sweetheart. I was so worried about the whole cremation process and she put my mind at ease. Nick received a private cremation.
My heart is pounding thinking about Nick's ashes. I've never held anyone's (or any dog's) ashes before. We don't believe in cremation and this is a first for me. I wanted to bury him, but Ed said that it would be hard to take him with us if we ever moved. The more I thought about it I realized he was right. What if we moved far, far away? I couldn't leave Nick behind buried in our backyard or in some spooky pet cemetery. So, cremation it was.
This is going to sound like I am off my rocker, but part of me doesn't want to pick up his ashes because then the finality of his death will knock me square in the solar plexus. Isn't that weird? I know he's dead and I know he's not coming back, but I'm still afraid of the fact that I'll physically be holding his ashes. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust...wow, you're really gone, aren't you?
I do want to get him tonight though, even if the thought of doing so makes me lose my breath. I'm waiting for Ed to get home and then we're going. I know they are ashes, but I don't want them to spend an entire night on a cold hospital shelf.
We're coming to get your ashes, Nick. We're bringing you home again.
3 comments:
An idea for the ashes (when you are ready):
Go find yourself the biggest, fluffiest, softest teddy bear or even a golden retriever stuffed animal. Put the ashes into a sealed bag, perform a little stuffed animal stomach operation and insert the ashes and sew him up! Then you can hug and love on the stuffed toy while also feeling so close to Nick.
What a great idea!!! I love the cedar chest, but a plush toy would be outstanding. I'll have to have Ed do the operation since I still get a bit queasy thinking about actual ashes.
They aren't that scary to look at (the ashes). They just look like a lot of soot from the fireplace. I've seen my Grandmother's, my dog's and my Father's and it sort of freaks me out when I logically think of the process it takes to make the ashes but then I realize at that point, it's really not "them" anymore but just a symbol of who they were here on earth. Their physical body that we recognized is gone but their spirit lives on, just in a different form and is still with us, but we just can't see it. At least that is what I believe. And I've had sooo many signs from those that have passed since I'm open to this belief that brings me so much comfort. I hope you'll see signs from Nick if you haven't already. I just love the Mr. Triangle face nickname. So perfect for your sweet boy.
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