Four months

My day has been wonderful. Full of jazz and energy. Had my jazz blasting in the car on my way to spin class this morning. AWESOME ride this morning. My thighs are still throbbing. My students were amazing today. Caught up with Marz about Roselle, who shattered her left and ankle on Halloween. We're planning on getting together with her this Thursday. I'm getting ready to go up to Mom's and run a ton of errands and spend time with her and grandma.

So much going on today you'd think I'd have no room in my brain for anything else. Not true. Not today. It's been four months since my sweet, golden Mr. Triangle Face left my arms. Had it not been for cancer we would have celebrated two years with him this month. Sometimes the unfairness of it all makes me want to scream. I don't talk about it much anymore because most people don't want to hear me blab and wail about how much I miss Nick. So, I keep it to myself. I still talk to him occasionally. We have conversations while I drive all the time. I probably need to have my head checked. Sigh. Milo has a sixth sense for when I'm sad. He just came over, stepped over Achilles (who is fast asleep right on the tops of my feet), nuzzled my neck and gave me little licks. Funny, he did the same thing that very first weekend we watched him after Nick died. These golden boys are something else.

Baby boy Nick, I hope you don't know how very much I miss you. Your golden brothers are here at my feet as I type. They are heaven sent and light up my every day. I wish you could have met them. Or maybe not. You were kind of grumpy to other dogs. :-) But that's ok, I loved you with crazy madness anyway. I always, always will.

Your turkey meatloaf "anniversary cake" with mashed potato icing. 1st anniversay of your arrival in our home. I can't believe it was only last year we celebrated. If I'd known I'd lose you so soon after I'd have let you eat the entire meatloaf. I haven't made meatloaf since you've been gone.

I can't walk by the corner of the bar and not remember you. Your favorite little corner of the house for afternoon naps. Sometimes Achilles sleeps there and every once in a while I'll startle myself thinking it's you. I'm silly, huh? When I vacuum this corner memories of you flood my heart.

My triangle face curly baby. You hated the dog wash yet you patiently allowed us to do what we had to do. If I could do it all over again I'd never make you take a bath. You could roll around stinky and nasty for as long as you liked. :-) Mommy would not have minded one bit. Not at all.

You slept like an infant, your chin cuddled on your paws. I pray you're at peace, pain free, happy and sleeping just so. I miss kissing and nuzzling your soft, handsome head.

Deeeeep SIGH. I need to get on with my day. But first, I need to kiss A & M's eyes and soft heads. Then I'm off to the shower. That's where I'll allow myself one deep, hard cry. I need one. I'll feel much better afterwards.