Ingenious ideas.

Today, Linnea sent me picture of her mom's garden in Chicago. It brought me to tears. I hope Nick is wandering through a garden so beautiful up in heaven. If you're reading this, Nick, here is a picture of your Auntie Peggy's garden. It's beautiful, isn't it?

Sooooo, day 2 of my blog. I don't know why, but I haven't told anyone about my blog yet. Not my friends. Not my family. I'm actually a little afraid that people on the internet will run across my blog. Gasp! Is that strange or what? I don't know, I can't explain it.

But, I was thinking about it. I think I'm just afraid that people may think I'm being overdramatic and too emotional, possibly even a bit morbid. People who are not "animal lovers" usually don't understand why the animal lovers behave so. This blog isn't meant to be only about Nick, but so far it has been because it just needs to be. For me. For now. For however long.

Anyone who knows me will tell you that I am much more of a morning person than I am a night owl. But, last night I was up until 2 am.

I blogged. I cried.

I browsed pictures of Nick. I cried.

I watched videos of Nick. I cried.

I ate more rice pudding. I cried.

The silence was loud in the computer room late last night. Nick's soft breathing (and snoring) was the usual background noise.

He always found a way to wedge himself under the small computer desk. Ed had become a master at typing with both hands AND petting Nick with one hand. (Don't ask me how because I surely never mastered it!) I would quickly type out a few words and then stop to pet Nick for a bit. If I lingered a bit too long on the keyboard he'd wet nose my arm to remind me that I was lagging in properly petting him. It would take me 4 or 5 times the normal amount of time to complete a task on the computer if Nick was under the desk. (Could that be the reason why it took me this long to start a blog? Hmm.)

But not Ed, nope, he could watch a ballgame on the little corner TV, type on the keyboard, snack on peanuts, drink lemonade AND pet Nick all at the same time. No break in speed. No loss of time. He'd be in there for hours, sometimes even playing computer games while petting Nick. I was always very impressed. I'm sure Nick was as well.

Of the 78 photos saved on my cell phone 60 of them are photos of Nick. Last night it suddenly occurred to me that (gasp!) I could drop my cell phone and lose all of my beloved curly boy's pictures from my phone!!! (I've been too lazy to figure out how to download the photos from my phone to my computer.)

So, right then I came up with an INGENIOUS idea. At 1:28 am I hauled out the video camera and decided to VIDEOTAPE my cell phone pictures. Yup, I sat there for 5 minutes of video time scrolling through my cell phone photo album. I felt better having recorded Nick's cell phone pics somewhere else other than my cell phone. One day I'll actually figure out how to downlooad the pics to my computer, but until then I feel better having "directed" my very own "Nick photo film".

I feel ridiculous just having written that, but grief is making me do some really crazy things these days. Like when I finally did get into bed last night and my next ingenious idea occurred to me. I did a keyword search for programs with 'Golden Retriever' on my TiVo. I then set my TiVo to record over 30 programs having anything to do at all with Goldens. Good goin', right? I couldn't help myself though.

I'm remembering my time with Val yesterday. She'll never know how good it felt for me to commiserate with her and to visit her mastiff doggie, Max. I needed doggie time, even if it was for a few minutes. I needed to cry with another doggie lover. She definitely qualifies.

Val's one of my very unique friends. She is a budding chocolatier (yeah, I know, how did I ever get so lucky!?), accountant, bookkeeper, runner, doggie mommy to a 200+ pound mastiff, girlfriend to Stevie boy and keeper of the practical flame. She is a sexy, bohemian diva with a flair for haute couture. One day she'll be rich and famous with her boomin' chocolate shop. I think she once promised me she'd always give me free samples. I better double check with her.

With a couple of exceptions, I've been very blessed with the girlfriends that I have. After Nick's passing on Tuesday, I leaned on another one of my animal loving friends, Linnea. She and our friend, Justin, came out for Nick's "wake". Linnea spent all day with us on Tuesday. Ed and I couldn't stand to be in the house, so we took to trekking the streets of Pacific Beach, crying as we strolled. She listened to me talk endlessly through blubbery tears about my baby Nick. I know she was tired from working all day, but she hung in there with us until past 11 pm.

Aaaah, what to say 'bout my Linnea? (Nick used to refer to her as "Auntie Rinnea". Don't ask.)

Linnea is like a fourth sister for me. Linnea is a transplant to San Diego from Chicago, just like me! She is a Cordon Bleu trained chef (again, how did I get so lucky!?). Her crab cakes are incredible. Her cat, Phoenix Rascal, was Nick's "nephew". Linnea is a great listener and gives beautiful hugs. She always smells great and looks even better. Nick loved lying right on top of Linnea's feet when she'd come over to visit.

Ok. Linnea's laugh. Quite a sound to behold actually. She has an outrageously funny laugh punctuated with a rocket snort, kind of sounds like she's HONKING. It's made even funnier by the fact that Linnea is a beautiful and gracefully built woman. Tall and lithe, beautiful dark hair, bright smile and honey brown eyes. Men fawn over her. (Girls like her, too. :-)) You wouldn't expect such a feminine vision to bust out in a loud-ass guffaw, snorting like a piggie and swiggin' her Michelob. It's priceless.

She and I have the mouths of sailors. No cuss word is off limits. Again, who woulda thunk it of Linnea? She is one of my few girlfriends who'll actually watch sports with me. Believe me, I've spent my entire adult life searching for a girlfriend who liked sports as much as I do. Linnea is as close as it has ever gotten for me. Plus, it helps that she is a Chicago sports fan.

Linnea will be moving back to Chicago on August 1st. I regret not making more time to hang out with her. Now she is going back home. I know we'll email, talk and visit, but it is just not the same. Linnea used to have a doxie named Molly. In Nick's last hour I told him to look for Molly in heaven because she'd be a pretty gal pal to have up there. (Nick was quite the ladies man ya know. Very handsome and curly.)

Linnea is an only child, but the least spoiled "only child" I've ever known. Her parents are Al and Peggy. Absolute sweetheart of a couple. (One day I'll tell you about Al's tanning booth.) I've posted Peggy's picture while she was giving Nick a snack when they last visited from Chicago. They loved Nick so much and I love them even more for it. They were so kind and gentle with my golden boy.

My stomach is grumbling. I should eat, huh?