BLAZE to the Rescue.

So, the superhero oncologist Dr. Blaise "BLAZE" Burke called us today. He spent a long time with us on the phone even though it is a Sunday. He had Nick's post mortem analysis for us and he said that what they learned is going to be extremely helpful to them in future cutaneous lymphoma cases. Actually, he said he used some of the knowledge he gained from Nick's case just this past week on another little doggie. That makes me so very, very happy. Thank you my sweet, sweet boy. Dear God, I can't seem to say it or type it enough, I love that dog so much it makes me lose my breath. Siiiigh.

In the back of my mind I've been having a moral argument these past couple of weeks about whether we got it right...meaning, was it really his time or did we maybe act too hastily? I don't know if everyone goes through this, but every once in a while I wonder if we'd waited a day or two would Nick have bounced back as usual? If I had loved him a little harder or made him something different to eat, would that have been the magic secret? The thoughts and questions are constant and ever present. I'm sure no one looks forward to being another's Dr. Kevorkian, but I'd like to think that in most cases of human euthanasia people have probably expressed their dying wishes beforehand. Obviously not so with animals, so I think I'll always have the company of my nagging thoughts on whether it really was "time".

Well, talking to BLAZE put my mind at ease a little bit. It turns out that our theory about the poison Prednisone was not that far off the mark. Nick had a systemic infection throughout his entire body and in his blood, and the toughest site was at his spleen. Because lymphoma had compromised his immune system, and because Prednisone further weakened his body's natural ability to fight germs & infection, Nick's systemic infection began to "shower" his body with blood clots. Some of those blood clots must have had adverse neurological effects because his rear legs went lame so quickly. The blood clots were probably also responsible for his labored breathing that morning.

My first thought was, "Oh no! Could it be that all we needed was stronger antibiotics?!?" Well, not so. You see, Nick was already on monthly regimens of antibiotics, but they weren't enough. Anything stronger could have maybe helped him for a very, very short while, but Nick had so many lymphoma sites on his skin that any antibiotic attempts would have been futile. There were just too many open sites on his body that allowed bacteria and germs to enter his system on a daily basis. It would have taken an extreme toll on his poor, devastated body to try and fight off so many armies of bacteria. I am very grateful that we didn't allow him to have to endure that war.

Maybe I'll always have a little voice in my head wondering, but I'm more confident now that I've heard from BLAZE that Nick gave us as clear of a sign that he could, telling us he was ready to be at peace and for that I'll always be grateful to my sweet boy. Even in the end he was looking out for me because he knew how incredibly destroyed I would be to have to let him go.

Gosh, I do have to say that this makes me think of all the cancer blogs and websites that I'd read which said that very often it is the medicine and cancer treatment that often kills the patient faster than the cancer itself. What a sad, sad irony of life, no?

Well, after our talk with BLAZE (I like typing his name in all caps because it seems much more superhero-ish) we were kind of numb for a bit. As the day wore on into evening I think we began to kind of feel like a weight had been lifted from us. We didn't feel like cooking tonight, so we went to Carl's Jr. I ordered in my Asian accent, something I didn't think ANYONE else actually did until I read Laura's blog! I ordered "onion lings" instead of "flies" with my burger. Ed didn't believe me that I'd found another person on this planet who also used her hidden Asian voice from time to time.

Afterwards, we decided to unwind in the hot tub. That line reads and sounds so PORNOGRAPHIC, doesn't it!!!? Baow-chika-baow-baowm! But seriously, we LOVE that giant cauldron of hot, bubbling chemical water. It gets so nice and cool out here at night and it feels wonderful floating around in 101 degrees of bliss. We usually make potent pina coladas or some other crushed ice concoction, but not tonight. My tongue still feels furry from my party for one yesterday. Nick used to stare at us from the house wondering why he was never invited into the hot tub. Awww! Anyway, we sleep like babies after the hot tub. My entire muscular system feels like wigglin' jello right now. So freakin' relaxing!

You know, I've got to get us back on track. For the past week or so we've been eating crazy junk food and all kinds of other delicious-not-good-for-us-crap. We usually eat dinner out a couple of times per week and other nights we take turns cooking. I've got to get us back to that this week, especially since we're leaving for the east coast on Thursday. We're going to eat like deranged food-a-holics and drinkin' like boozers all weekend long, so we need to be good beforehand.

Ed's Lebanese friend, Mike, is getting married to a Jewish woman, Sharon. They are having a Jewish wedding and a Lebanese "night before" wedding party. I got Ed tickets to the Yankees/Orioles game for Friday night. Great seats behind the Yankees dugout! We're going to hit up crab cakes heaven in Annapolis where he went to school. Probably do a museum or two as well. Maybe go to the beach also, but "I don't know. I don't know if we'll have enough time!" (Frank the Tank, "Old School")

One thing the hot tub does is make my skin very dry, tight and itchy. After I showered I didn't slather on a bucket of Vaseline Intensive Care, so I think I'm going to take care of that now.

Tomorrow is Monday. That sucks!