Engaged Encounter

We survived the Engaged Encounter Weekend. Whooo-Hoooo!!!

We arrived Friday night at 6:30, exhausted after a full week of work. Workshops until 11 pm, then up again at 7 am on Saturday morning. Workshops all day until almost 10 pm. Up early again on Sunday morning and workshops until 4 pm. Wow.

Ed and I had preconceived notions and ideas of how the weekend was going to go based on what our friends told us, since some of them had gone through it already. We were NOT looking forward to it at all.

Well, afterwards, we were actually very happy that we participated in the retreat. The accommodations were terrible because we stayed in an old converted nunnery/convent with the barest of Spartan luxuries. I had silverfish in my bed lines. Eeewww! The entire floor heard my bloody scream at midnight on Saturday.

We’ve been together for a while, so a lot of what was discussed we had already covered between us. I’d say about 90% of the topics for discussion we’d already come to decisions on by ourselves. There were still other matters that we’d never thought to talk about with each other. For example, I am a proponent of taking mini “vacations” on my own or with just my friends or sisters. I think it’s good for the relationship and it helps to keep our independent identities nurtured. I found out that Ed really didn’t ever want to take a vacation without me.

Topics of finance, decisions to have or not have children, buying a home, dealing with disillusionment that will inevitably rear its ugly head at times in a marriage, communication, sexual intimacy, destructive behaviors, priorities, compassion, expectations, and even things as simple as which family to spend the holidays with, were covered. They even brought up the thought that marriage is actually not for everyone and that it’s never too late before the actual wedding date to look at your beloved and say, “ I need more time” or “I can’t marry you.”

All in all, I thought it was a very mature and very practical retreat seminar. It was not the mushy, sappy, love-fest that I thought it was going to be, although there was definitely romance and unity in many of the exercises we participated in.

I believe that young couples, couples that haven’t had time to get to know each other well, or couples that find it difficult to communicate would be the ones that would greatly benefit from something like this. I’m actually going to recommend this to my little sister even though she has no plans of getting married anytime soon. Having 48 hours of focused time away from everything allows you to hash out things you wouldn’t normally approach.

I had my apprehensions about the religious aspect of it, obviously. Surprisingly, I was never made to feel uncomfortable or unwanted. It was very moving for me. There were couples there that weren’t Christians, there was an atheist couple, and obviously, there was a couple where one was Muslim and the other Catholic…us! The focus was really on the decision to marry (or not to marry) and to be together, not on religion, although the concept of God and prayer in your marriage was talked about.

There was a priest, Father Bill, and three couples that led the seminars. One couple will celebrate their 46th wedding anniversary this October, have 4 children, and 7 grandchildren. The other couple had only been married a couple of years with no kids. The third couple had ten years together and one newborn.

It was really helpful to hear about their evolvement within the concept of marriage and unity. If I were a 22 year old would-be bride, a lot of what I heard this weekend would have been completely new to me. It’s just stuff you don’t ever think about until you’re older.

As for Ed and I, this weekend only served to strengthen our commitment to each other. We shared the strengths and weaknesses that we would both bring to our new life. We shared many, many laughs together. I’m not exactly a quiet person, so people caught on pretty quick that the sound of my crazed cackling from the down the hall meant that Ed was being his usual comedian self.

We were asked to introduce ourselves the first night, give our wedding date, and then tell everyone what was the one most beautiful, most endearing characteristic of our fiancé. Ed was our spokesperson. I thought he’d say that I had great boobs or that I was funny or that I was super smart or something similar just so he could quickly sit down as he doesn’t like to be on the spot like that. Instead he said,

“The most beautiful thing about my fiancée is her ability to make everyone around her feel good about themselves.”

Whoa. That completely floored me. While everyone else stood up and said that their fiancé was "nice", or "pretty", or "kind to animals", my Belov-Ed stood up and said something completely thoughtful and profound. I never knew he thought of me that way. Wow. I love this man so much.

Of course, I also had to find ways to entertain myself. There were times we both were delirious with boredom. So, I “volunteered” Ed to sing all three songs at mass. You should have seen the look on his face when I said, “Father Bill, Ed would just love to sing at mass tomorrow.” Bwaaaa-ha-ha-ha!!!! The priest wasn’t going to take no for an answer since no one else volunteered!

(Upon threat of immediate banishment from planet Earth, Ed has forbidden me from posting the secret video I shot of his cuteness up there singing his gorgeous little heart out. That sucks! He looked so adorable up there and I think he sang beautifully. You’ll all just have to imagine it for yourself. I like earth.)

I also kept myself entertained with my trusty little camera. I was intrigued with our feet.

Our shadow in the early Saturday morning sun.
Our shadow in the early Sunday morning sun. We took a morning walk each day together about the parish grounds.

I absolutely loved this ghetto fabulous sign taped at the door to the convent. Nice, huh?

Room I shared with my roommate. My feet hung off the edge up to my ankles on these short cots. It was an unusually warm weekend and there was no A/C or any fans.
She stared down at me while I slept.
One bathroom, two sinks, two showers, two stalls..for 16 women!!! We had 30 minutes to get ready in the morning. I ended up taking my showers at midnight the night before.
Our obligatory "self-portrait". We're very squinty with the morning sun in our eyes.

Trying to stave off boredom with caffeinated sodas and cell phone games.
On a lunch break we took a drive down Silver Strand Beach and saw people enjoying their weekends outdoors while we had to return to our little convent.
Driving us home.
It would have been nice to stop off at the beach, but we missed our furry boys. They had a vacation weekend at Lynne & Amos' and we couldn't wait to get home.

Speaking of Lynne & Amos, those two beautiful angels had delicious margaritas and fresh guacamole ready for us to celebrate the end of our retreat. Amos' margaritas are lethal and delicious. I think Ed & I have a "couple crush". One of the topics we discussed over and over this weekend was our profound love and appreciation for our great, amazing friends. Life would not be good without their energy, their support, their love, and their laughter, surrounding us.

Thank you Lynne, thank you Amos, for caring for "our" boys this weekend, and for being the cherry that topped our "Sunday" trip home. We love you so much.