As 2007 winds down...

...I find myself reflecting on what a year this was. What a year indeed. As with everyone else, there were the loftiest and happiest of HIGHS, and then there were the bottom-scraping and saddest of lows.

I will begin with Nick. My sweet Golden boy was the reason I started my blog. He was my very first doggie love. Cancer, the ugly beastly monster that it is, stole him from my life entirely too soon. 12:35 p.m., July 10th. A Tuesday afternoon I'll never forget. There is not one single day since that I have not thought of him, remembered his antics, or spoken to him in my heart. In fact, last night I was standing at the kitchen sink. I heard little nails clicking on the wooden floor and then I felt a warm head being pressed against my thigh. For a startled split second, before I looked down to see Achilles' handsome face, I thought it was Nick. I really, really thought it was him. My heart skipped several painful beats.

I'm a rational human and I know Nick is biologically dead, but there are moments which make me think I may be losing my mind, the moments when I physically feel his presence, his warmth. Achilles and Milo never press their head against my thigh. That was always Nick's thing. He had a very insistent, very firm way of pressing his head against my leg. It would physically make me shift my weight so that I wouldn't love my balance. I'd look down to find smiley Nick looking up at me with his wonderous velvety brown eyes, as if to say, "Hi Mommy! Here I am, down here! Whachya doin' up there? Just wanted to say 'hi'. Are you available for a massage perhaps? Just wondering."

So, when Achilles pressed up against my leg like Nick used to, I had to stop and catch my breath. Burying my face in Achilles' soft fur, I let out a few tear drops as memories of Mr. Triangle Face flooded my heart once more...I miss him so much. All the time.

For the life of me I cannot explain to people why or how I love the Golden Duo in my life now as much as I do when I also miss and grieve for Nick so much. Maybe there is no explanation. It is just something that is. When I think about it sometimes I feel overwhelmed by my heart's capacity to accept the responsibility of loving another being. It is a profound, heavy responsibility, but one that has such rich rewards that I can't help but be attracted, like a moth to the proverbial flame.

Achilles and Milo have filled the second half of 2007 with such joy and such love for me. They've made it so much easier for me to swallow the bitter, dark pill that is loss, pain and death. I can't articulate what they mean to me. All I know is that they make me feel so good and so loved, and I'm addicted to that sensation. I'm addicted to them. When I die I pray to have all of my sweet fur babies with me in the aftermath. That may sound morbid to some of you, but it is the happiest scene I could ever imagine. I wouldn't have it any other way.

First there's our gallant, handsome Milo. He sure has been through a couple of adventures with us. He's recovered quite nicely from his battle scar after defending his brother, Achilles. He has such a good natured way about him. The other day a nasty little boy, about 8 or 9 years old, kicked him a couple of times and I swear to God, I nearly took that boy O.U.T. The first time he kicked Milo I asked him not to do that please. I was very sweet about it because at first I thought the boy was just being playful and didn't know any better. Silly Milo thought the boy was playing with him and just stood there wagging his tail, happily thinking this was a fun game of some sort.

Well, the boy looked me square in the eyes and petulantly screamed, "NO!" and kicked Milo again in the soft side of his belly. It was a hard enough kick that it made Milo shift to his left. This time the kick also made Milo wince a little bit. The blazing red dots of fury flying about in my field of vision nearly blinded me. What the FUCK is wrong with kids these days?! Grrrr!!!The kid's mom, off on the other side of the park smoking her cigarrette, said her son was just "rambunctious" sometimes, as she blew smoke in my face. Bull-fucking-SHIT. Rambunctious my sweet ass! So, I grabbed her by the hair and smacked her around a bit before giving her a little "rambunctious" kick in the belly.

Ok, maybe not. Just kidding! Ha ha ha! But, don't get me wrong, if I could have stepped into an alternate, parallel universe and set free my hidden mountain warrior woman, I probably wouldn't have given a second thought to giving her a solid smack or two. But, who knows? I'm not a violent person. Really, I'm not!

Anyway, I ended up just staring at her in amazement and I point blank told her that there are other terms to describe needlessly cruel kids like her nasty ass son, as in they grow up to be bullies and serial killers. Nothing burns my panties more like heartless folks (no matter what the age) being cruel to the vulnerable, i.e., the elderly, infants, children, the mentally ill, the physically crippled, animals, and of course, my sweet Golden babies and pets! Word to the wise...DO NOT be mean or nasty to my babies. Who knows what that Mountain Warrior Woman is capable of should the situation get out of hand. :-)

Handsome Milo. Here he is looking ever so gorgeous. My goofy furball of love. My Oompa-Loompa Golden clown.

And then there is mommy's Gourmet Golden, Mighty Achilles. He lives for fresh roasted poultry, and hates it when I take the skin off. It's his favorite part, being the tastiest and fattiest, but someone's got to watch out for his little waistline. He'll settle for braised lamb or tasty cuts of steak if he has to, but prefers the birds. More Mommy Lynney and More Daddy Amos also hook him up with favorite culinary delicacies. Baby boy so loves his fresh vegetables simmered in chicken broth.

He's thirteen and a half years old and after having learned my lesson with Nick, I realize he may not be around for as long as I would pray for. Of the two of them, Achilles reminds me most of Nick. They both fiercely guard the kitchen entryway, they both have that curly fur, they're both in their geriatric years, they're both smaller sized male Goldens, and they both sometimes get a bit "grumpy" when other dogs want to get a little more friendly than usual. I am completely in love with his little paws that he points inward while sitting. After Nick died, I vowed to always adopt at least one elderly dog in his memory. When I saw Achilles' picture on the rescue's website, I knew it had to be him. Mighty Achilles. He is his mommy's Achilles' heel. My little adorable fish head.

2007 also commemorates the year my Belov-Ed and I were betrothed. That sentence makes me giggle. Hee hee! Well, over four years together and I am not exaggerating when I say that I have laughed out loud at least once every single day we've loved each other. Ed can get as fat as a house, he can be as poor as a pauper, he can lose all his teeth, or whatever else, but the minute that the laughter and energy cease to exist for us, I'll know we're either dead or the world has come to an end. I don't know what I did right to deserve him, but I don't ever take it for granted.

What strikes me whenever I think about it is the fact that I like him so much. He is my favorite person on earth. Yeah, I said "like him", not just "love him". Of course I'm madly in love with him, more and more each day, but in this world it is so hard to also find a person you actually like to be with. I guess you can say he's also my Be-like-Ed in addition to my Belov-Ed. Ha ha!!!

Of course, the flip side of the engagement high was the low of our mothers' reactions. 08-08-08 will be the day we are married in a fabulous destination wedding. I haven't written much about it here, but we've decided on the destination wedding and have cancelled the ceremony & reception plans we originally made. I do hope and pray that one day our mothers will be at peace with our marriage and happy for our life together. In the meantime, it is heartbreaking enough to deal with issues as they are right now, and we can't imagine the drama and pain that will inevitably result if we have a traditional wedding with a reception.

So, we'll be off to be married in Ed's grandparents' Italian town of San Georgio de Pesaro in a small village church. We'll honeymoon in Italy, Greece and Spain. When we get back we'll make the "rounds" and visit family and friends. I hope that everyone understands our decision. I know many of our friends have been looking forward to our wedding here in San Diego and we love you all so very much for it, but given the nature of volatile emotions surrounding our mixed faith and multi-cultural union we really don't want to have anyone suffer through the surefire drama of our wedding day.

Well, on to fun stuff again. I traveled a lot with my Belov-Ed this year. Annapolis twice, once for Mike's wedding and once for the Navy Homecoming game. Navy lost its game which was a low, but we also went to spend glorious days in Newport, Rhode Island, a high, while our poor city of San Diego was up in flames, an obvious low. Life is so multi-faceted. I saw the majestic Atlantic Ocean while on our 7 miles round trip Cliff Walk hike in Newport. The ornate mansions of days long gone where Rockefellers, Vanderbilts, Eisenhowers, Kennedys and of course, Gatsby, lived their privileged days were magnificent.

I witnessed the crashing waves of the Atlantic through this century old iron gate. Magnificent.While walking through this tunnel on the Cliff Walk, I called out to Nick and all the loved ones I've lost...
...and came out on the other end sure that they heard me up it the heavens, reminding them of my love.

Then, there were my Chicago Bears, who arrived in Miami on February 4th for Super Bowl XLI but they couldn't seem stop THIS guy....
...who even with just ONE touchdown pass still led his team to a 29-17 victory over my beloved Monsters of the Midway. Grrrrr!!!! I thought the season for my beloved and beleaguered Cubbies would make up for the Super Bowl loss, but not even with the addition of this guy did we show any sign of life....
...oh well, maybe next year!!! Sweet Lou better be at his sweetest by then! I think 2008 is the year they'll win the World Series. I just know it!

Family, as usual, has been interesting, to say the least. My sister M welcomed Ari's sister, my second niece, Laila. It is a bittersweet situation we find ourselves in and I hope that one day we'll all be together and I can finally inhale the scent the of my nieces' love. Little Sister S graduated from Loyola and is now busy forging her life's path. I'm so proud of her. Little Sister K is also busy re-forging her life's path and I'm hopeful this time it will work out for her. Mom got to go to Afghanistan and it has now given me a travel itch I want to scratch REAL BAD. Baba has been Baba, patient and supportive, trying to avoid conflict at all costs. Bobo turned 93 this year. She'll be 94 in February. When I stop to think about it, it blows me away all that she has witnessed firsthand in life. Amazing.

Friends: they arrived, they left, they became closer, they drew further away. Linnea moved back to Chicago and Adrienne back to Texas. Linnea took Phoenix Rascal Cat Extraordinaire with her. I miss him. Adrienne's departure meant that Daisy and Sage had to go also. I miss you girls! Jamei, my oldest friend ever, informed me she's pregnant again, so Tommy's going to be a big brother come May. Adriana and I have become closer this year compared to years past. Same goes for Roselle and Mars and Jan. As for other friends, the opposite occurred. Whether by choice or circumstance, I haven't been able to stay in contact or as close with all of my friends. This year brought many new friends into my life, mostly through the fact that we love dogs: Laura, for whom I have Nick to thank, the dog park has brought Mark & Sherry and Jack & Nancy into our lives, amongst other dog park buddies.

We've become even closer with Lynne and Amos this year. Because of Nick and Macky our lives intersected. We were lucky to share this year with them on momentous occasions, a dinner to celebrate Nick's life, Lynne's birthday bash, Thanksgiving, Katie's birthday, Christmas, and hours spent together just for the hell of it. All wonderful. They've also been More Mommy & Daddy to our Golden boys on more than one occasion and I am forever grateful. Amos handmade a stunning kinetic mobile for our Christmas gift and it means a lot to me. If you haven't had a chance to witness his talent and his art, check out his "Famos Art" at http://www.amosrobinson.com/ . It completely blows my mind how he can take a nondescript scrap of metal and morph it into fluid, kinetic, energetic art. Stunning for sure. Besides our mobile (hee hee:-), this is probably one of my favorite Famos Art pieces. It's titled "'Whatever Will Be" but it reminds me Lynne with the flowing blonde hair.
Here she is feeling the breeze in her hair while hanging in their backyard. Beautiful, no?

Blogistan in and of itself deserves a mention here. I began this blog as a way to release pent up thoughts and emotions. It has evolved and become a source of friends, laughter, knowledge and information. Thought provoking and exciting, the world of blogs has been a refreshing way to get a daily dose of other people's reality. They are the mini soap operas of our time, except that they're real.

Long before I began my blog I "lurked" and read other people's fabulously written masterpieces. I was comforted as I witnessed hope in the lives of others. I was entertained laughing at the antics of fellow humans and animals. I was challenged. I was angered. I was intrigued. I was touched. I empathized. I learned. Then, I blogged.

Blogs are good books I just can't put down. A journal for some, a chance to be a voyeur for others, and still for others an opportunity to be the center of someone's attention, even if it's for the briefest of moments.

Liz's blog over at http://spinningtumor.blogspot.com/ was a daily read while Nick was going through chemo and treatment for his lymphoma. I read her blog looong before my blog ever began. Liz & Nick seemed to be going through parallel treatments and I sought comfort in her words while she valiantly battled the lymphoma monster. Liz got a clean scan after her treatment, and I pray that she remains cancer free in 2008 and on.

I rooted for this little family http://luchalee.wordpress.com/ . The world would be a better place if the male species were as loving and supportive as Dan.

Lisa over at http://morethanmyshare.blogspot.com/ lost her battle with lymphoma in September. This beautiful mother left behind her beautiful child and loving husband. Her last post has over 70 comments and it was in one of those comments that her husband broke the news for us. His pain was palpable through the indifferent world of Internet. I cried for her death. I cried for her family. I found it at once odd and familiar to feel so much for a person I only knew through words online. Her family was in my prayers this holiday season.

I've made wonderful friends through my blog. Ya'll know Laura, of course, with her herd of boys (like mine), Wrigley the Dog, Chumley the Cat, and Tom the Husband. I hear my own thoughts coming out of her mouth sometimes. I thank Nick for introducing me to such a good friend. http://tlc-smileygirl.blogspot.com/

Through Laura I've "met" Chi-Town Girl, who is Chicago's hottest kindgergarten teacher over at http://iteachkdg.blogspot.com/. Somehow I know that when we meet in person it'll be like running into a long lost friend. I love the fact that I've encountered someone who cusses as much, if not more, than I do.

Laura has links to Christina's blog over at http://www.christinashaver.com/ and Jenn and Jason over at http://jenn-and-jason.blogspot.com/. They don't post often, but when they do it's worth the wait. The same goes for Mindy, a vet office bookkeeper from Kentucky who's still figuring it all out over at http://stillfiguringitallout.blogspot.com/. She has a Golden Retriever named Sadie who is a saint because she shares her house with FIVE CATS!!! One of her cats is named Church. That name rocks.

There are the blogs that make me burst out with gigantic guffaws that make me push my chair back, hold my tummy and laugh as hard as I've ever laughed. Crystal over in "Crotch Dust", Mississippi is a fucking RIOT. http://boobsinjuriesanddrpepper.blogspot.com/ Every chance I get I go through her archives and continue reading her past posts. She began blogging years ago and it really has been like reading a great book as I journey through her adventures. Her doggie is hilarious as he humps any tree he can get his vertical stance on. A RIOT!

I've run into three sisters, Mary Beth, Helen and Amanda. I'm not sure how I ran across their blogs, but it sure has been fun. They're out on the east coast in NJ and PA. They love their cats and their books. They've got lots of cats and more books than I have! Mary Beth and Helen run an online teacher's supply shop called Hey Teach! and their relationship is one that inspires me. I hope and pray for me and my sisters to be this accepting and loving of each other. http://marybeth494.blogspot.com/

http://piglet73.blogspot.com/

http://hhg1216.blogspot.com/

http://heyteachllc.blogspot.com/

Of course, there is the attorney/mommy-extraordinaire from Texas, Miss Monica. http://www.xanga.com/monilark She almost inspired me to run a marathon, and then I got lazy. She's planning to run another marathon, so maybe this time I'll bust through the mental wall of laziness. I try to leave comments on her Xanga site, but I get kicked off many times and other times the site just erases my comments. That sucks!!! Hey Monica, do you know a female attorney named Julia out there? She was my roommate in law school. Tell her I said 'hi'! :-)

Monica turned me on to Ninotchka over at http://www.ninotchkabeavers.com/ . Monica thinks our blogs are similar in vibe and she's not too far off with that. I've been busy scrolling through Ninotchka's pictures, and can you believe that I'm in love with Charlie Brown, her chocolate lab?! I think her three pretty girls are great and all, but it is Charlie Brown who has stolen my heart! :-)

Jayne is A Broad Abroad. http://www.coyotecommunications.com/travel/index.html You should go to the home page and learn all about her. She's very neat. It's been some time since she's posted, but I love her site. I love the fact that she's traveled to Afghanistan. Laura's going to love this site because she has a travel itch that needs to be scratched from time to time. I know that if I didn't have the life and responsibilities that I do, I would also be a broad abroad. I've lived all over the world, Afghanistan, Iran, Turkey, Greece, Costa Rica, Spain, Chicago, New York, New Jersey, California and other little miscellaneous places here and there. I was always happy to travel. I just love it.

I'm addicted to Frank's photos over at http://postalesdesdeamerica.blogspot.com/. His photographic perspective is so refreshing. These are his postcards home while he works here in the U.S. He is from the Canary Islands. He's an architect and has his own amazing website at http://www.the3dblue.com/ where you can learn all about him. You'll know why I love his site so much....because he lives in Chicago and I AM JEALOUS!!! Most of his pictures are of my favorite city in the whole wide world. Plus, he has a passion for antique cars, just like I do, except he likes the high end cars. I'm in love with the muscle cars of America from the mid to late 60s. Either way, I love his blog and his sites. You should check it out.

It probably seems like tons of sites, but it's funny. Just like anything else in life, i.e., television, books, magazine, movies, etc., I enjoy them when I can and choose them based on my moods. For example, sometimes I forget about Crystal's blog until I realize that I need to get a dose of giggles. Everyone's style is different, their perspective unique, and their objective is relative. It's been an exciting adventure joining Blogistan, and I look forward to more of it in 2008.