He ain't heavy. He's my brother.

Milo: "Hey 'chilles....what's up? You awake?"

Achilles: "Mmmm, what?"

"Oh good, you're awake."

"I am now. Why is it that you always bug me when I'm warm and toasty under my towel blankie? Can't you see mommy's givin' me a massage? It's been a long time, you know. Over a week since my last massage. A week!"

"I know, I know. Sorry bro. But, ummmm, I was just wonderin' if I could kind of snuggle up wichya? I've missed momma this week too ya know."

(Sigh) "I guess so. Just make sure you don't crush me with your oompa-loompa 200 pound booty."

"What!? Now that's a really mean thing to say. Momma said I've lost 10 pounds. She says I look ultra svelte."

(Loud snort) "Ha. She's just sayin' that to make you feel better. Don't kid yourself dude, ya still have a big ass. Just don't let me suffocate under it, ok?"

"Humph. Fine. I'm going to ignore that for now. I'll just put my head down here on your side. That cool with you?"

"Yeah, whatever. Now be quiet. I want to enjoy our alone time with mommy, ok?"

(A few minutes of silence and doggie massages.)

" Hey 'chilles?"

"What now?!"

"Can I share some of your towel blankie?"

"Hell no. I need to keep my joints warm. Mommy says I have 'aw-twy-dis'."

"Boy, you sure are milking that 'aw-twy-dis' for all its worth. What is that anyway? Can I say I have it too?"

"No man, so just hush. Oh, and for the love of Dog, please stop snoring!"

"Excuuuuse me, I do not snore. Mommy says I just have doggie sinus problems, just like her. Remember how papa said that mommy sounds like a train when she sleeps?"

"Good grief."

"Well, it's true! How come you can have 'aw-twy-dis' and I can't have sinus pwablems?"

"You just said 'pwablems'."

(Giggling) "Ya I know...hee hee. I'm pretty funny, aren't I?"

"Pssssh, whatever! Anyway, don't kid yourself. You snore. Now hush."

"Ok, fine, but at least I'm not Super-Fart-o-lakis, Greek god of pungent whispered flatulence."
(Milo sighs, snuggles in deeper against Achilles.)

(Silence and petting continues...)

"Psst. You awake?"

"Oh for pity's sake. What now?!"

"Remember how we had to share nap time with Action Jackson? Mommy didn't have room to lie down on the couch and massage us. That sucked."

"Yeah, I remember. Thank Dog those days are over. He was cute and all, but he sure did like to hog our mommy all to himself, didn't he?"

"Good thing he's back with his own family now."
"Mommy said he cried and scratched at the door trying to follow her back here. It made her sad. She heard him crying all the way down the street back to grandma's house."

"I don't understand all the fuss , you know. I didn't think he was all that cute. "

"Yeah, I know. You tried to bite his head, remember?"

"What? Hey, shh, keep your voice down. I told you, that was an accident!"

"Sure it was, Milo man, suuure it was."

"Well, would it really have been that awful? I mean seriously! Not only did we have to share our mommy with him, we even had to share Auntie Laura's cookies with him."

"Mmm, yeah, that is true. I sure would have liked all those yummy cookies for myself."
"Well, ok, but you would have shared them with me, right?"

"You want me to be honest?"

"Umm, I guess..."

"Well, you don't really need to be eating cookies now, do you? What with your tendency to become a bit "hippy" when you pack on the pounds and all...."

"Oh dude, NOT COOL! No wonder you kept jumping on every cookie even though mommy hadn't even called your turn. You're kind of a pig ya know..."

"Just settle down now. You know I'm just kidding. Let's just enjoy having our mommy back all to ourselves again."

"Yeah, you're right. Hey, ummm, 'chilles?"

"Mmm, what?"

"I wuv you."

"I wuv you, too."

"Mommy wuvs us more than Action Jackson."

"Yeah, that's pretty awesome."

"Pretty awesome indeed. You know, she's going to roast some more chicken for us tomorrow. She's going to reward us for being such great hosts to Ratman."

"She is? Sweet!"

"Yeah, pretty sweet indeed. I hope she mixes in some sweet potatoes. Yum, yum, yum."

(Lenghty silence...)

"Psst. Hey, 'chilles? I'm not getting too heavy sleeping on you like this, am I?"

"You're not heavy, Milo. You're my brother."