Two months

My dear Nick,

Last night I was thinking how at 3 am this morning it will be two months since the last time you nudged me awake with your little nose. A day has not gone by that I haven’t remembered your last nine hours with us. I just can’t believe that it has been two months already. I woke up around 3:45 this morning, saw Achilles lying there beside my bed where you used to sleep, and I couldn't fall back asleep. So, I’m up now writing to you.

Every day, when the clock gets close to 12:35 pm I think of you and remember you taking your last sweet breath. I try not to tell people about your passing at the dog park anymore. Your Auntie S and your daddy call me “Debbie Downer” when I tell the tale of your passing. So, I’ve stopped talking about it. I keep it inside and I talk to you in my car and I write to you here. I hope you’re having so much fun up there that you don’t have time to hear your crazy old mommy talking out loud in her car.

I miss you so much, baby boy. Football has started and you’re not here to watch the Bears with me. They lost their first game yesterday. Your Auntie S is here with me this week and we reminisce about you often. Your golden brothers, Achilles and Milo, are absolute sweethearts and they have been so good for your mommy. You did real good picking them for us. I wish you could have met them, but I guess you'll all meet someday.

I can say it over and over, a million times and more. I miss your soft, silky ears. I miss your bright beautiful brown eyes. I miss your curls. I miss how you'd press your head to my leg. I miss how you'd get excited for broccoli and apples. Everything. I love and miss everything about you. I hope you're being cared for better than we ever could have cared for you down here. Keep resting in peace, golden baby...