Ok, all this preparation for Milo and Achilles is making me feel a bit panicky. Ed is so excited. I am also excited. But, I get a rush of Nick memories, I become so very sad about my golden boy leaving me, I tear up and become so anxious thinking about loving two new dogs that are not my beloved Nick. I miss him so much that it fucking pisses me off because I can’t seem to deal with the most menial of new dog preparation tasks!!!
It feels so overwhelming, that expectation that our two new doggies are going to have of me. I definitely am NOT going to be “worthy of their devotion” as my blog title states. I tell myself that everything will be ok and all will work out, but sometimes I just don’t know. I'm so scared I won't be able to give them the same depth of love I had for Nick, and poor Achilles and Milo are so totally worth all the love in the world. They're great dogs and I am such a bitch.
Like today, I’ve been busy setting up groomer’s appointments for both Milo and Achilles. The entire process reminded me of when we took Nick for his summer haircut on the first day of summer last June. Gosh, he looked so adorable I wanted to swallow him whole. He looked totally like a puppy. I wish I had known Nick in his younger years. It was so hard for me to set up Thursday’s grooming appointments.
At book club this past Saturday, my friend Anna's mom, Marianne, told me that she was never ready for her next dog. Marianne's had dogs all her life. Sometimes she waited weeks, sometimes months, and sometimes years between dogs. It didn't matter, it was still a hard decision for her to make and a hard process to go through. But, she said once the new doggie was in her home she fell in love with each of their individual charm in a whole new way.
I know that will happen for me with Achilles and Milo, but that doesn't mean that all this beforehand prepatory stuff isn't enough to make me curl into a fetal position and just cry for days for my sweet boy Nick. *Sigh.*
2 comments:
Actually in a way, it may be easier for you since you are getting 2 dogs, because it's going to be a totally different experience than it was when you brought Nick home and bonded with him. I'm sure you'll be reminded of him through certain things they do, but to me it almost seems like it would be an easier transition because you're not just devoting all your time and attention onto one like you were able to do with Nick. He was just so lucky to have all that love all to himself! So now you'll be splitting it up between the 2 of them, oh and of course the Cap'n too, so really 3 guys! Oh boy, what will the Cap'n think about this. Maybe he should start his own blog??
LOL, I wonder what he'd call his blog? The Daily Squawk? Ha ha!
I didn't think of the 2 dog phenomena. You just may be very correct!
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